Just breathe. Life is throwing you a curve ball when you aren't even holding a bat. No one knows exactly what you are going through but that doesn't not mean you are alone. Change a few words in your post and you have a post that I just haven't written yet. Except I don't want death for myself, I want to lash out not in. I empathize. All I can say is all I am doing for myself. Just breathe and take everything in baby steps. Address what you can when you can and don't rush anything. Time is not a luxury, we do not have an infinite amount of time but when time needs to be taken for ourselves what other choice is as good as taking that time. Relax and focus on yourself for a while. Beth and I send our love.